oh sylvia

today i will fall asleep and drift into a warm purgatory among the babys breath and poppy
my words are oblivious to mortality 
each second warms me and settles my thoughts 
slowly crawling back into a damp reality, but no fear holds blanket up to my eyes 
i heard the hiss of the gentle assassin, it's blinded metallic tongue licking at my conscious thoughts, the rising pressure conforms a smile to my lips,
 i am a godless woman, but i pray aimlessly for no more pain. 


my words will always carry my blood like strong veins directly to your heart
after I have stopped breathing 
you will always have a piece of me 
i have thrown a wrench of heartache into the workings of my own machine, it softens my bones, and i suffocate happily in the invisible stream. 

push

and if your going to write a song about me, make sure you get all the references right,
make sure the pitch and tone of your voice emulate just enough pain, to make every girl that hears it simply want to die
when you get her in your bed
touch her and ask her how she's doing
they always have the same answers, i always knew what you wanted right from the look in your eyes



i need a glass of water and another round of vicodin
forget about the diet, and all your dead best friends

babe, a deeper breath than that

without being overtly obvious, your hands remind me of him

the whole time it was so so easy
it only hurt when I told him you were better.

your summer kiss haunts me all winter

as the motel ceiling came back into focus, you asked what it feels like

i mouthed the reply

" it feels like taking a fucking bullet"

you laughed, but I wasn't finished

"right between the eyes"

get the fuck out of my head. 

resin and ashes

here is some required thinking

nothing hurt,
you were calm and collected
my fingers were bent back
and you were inhaling the smoke and laughing

you

he half choked, " I want you to show me what hell really looks like"
i stepped back and half screamed " Then look me in the fucking eyes"

do you remember the summer when...

a girl always needs a fallback.


give me big black open spaces, between mountains, oh your rivers are raging in my veins, your roots grow deep inside me.

the birdcage

i wanted you to write the last chapter,

it would mean the world to me,

the blood in my veins,

heats accordingly.

it seems as though i am having his dreams.

these are a few of my favorite things

1. french cigarettes
2. rose water baths in antique claw foot tubs
3. living is easy with your eyes closed
4. marzipan and pink cream horses
5. doc martens with sundresses
6. greek food
7. heroin chic
8. anarchist poets
9. hopeless romance and drug addicted writers
10. the eiffel tower at midnight
11. falling apart leather journals
12. old typewriters
13. french markets in the fall
14. central park in the winter
15. trails that lead to weathered cabins    

tourniquet

medicated by your lips, i slip into what seems to be a sleepless haze for nights after I get another taste of you

i try i try i try i try

im a half a (w)hole

i want you/i want you/i want your heartbeat buried in the sound of my sighs

revelation

the way your voice curdles in my ears like warm milk when you say " us"
oh, it breaks me down like a child.




"Young Jesus goes to school carrying his cross upon his shoulder. When he learns his lessons well he is given candy. A sweet apple to put in his mouth, a bouquet of flowers to put in his little heart.
Youll see. Youll go and see them, youll talk to them. Theyll listen to you and theyll follow you."


your chap stick sticks my white cotton dress to my thighs
i told you to wait till after class
your hair smelling like orchards and your lips tasting like strawberry fields on fire