we are awaiting symptoms

So blush at being mine, yet gently come
And place a dainty hand within my hold
Too delicate to crush it into warmth,
Save that blood mantling to thy cheek shall flow
Back to the fingers, though I press them not.
- Aleister Crowley, " White Stains"


i imagined myself in his bed, underneath him, everything but our bodies were still. everything was sweat and shadows on the wall. the cool sheets were soaked with whiskey and dreams.
you radiated walking through those hospital doors.

A) you are like a headwound. When I lay down with you and close my eyes, I don't know if I will ever wake up.
B) if we are in this together, why do you keep abandoning the thought of something beautiful happening between us. You folded the sheets you inspired me on and put them in the linen closet, only to be confronted by your own skeletons.
C)when you open your eyes in the morning, you'll find me still sleeping, in your arms, against your chest and the blood all dried up

" on paper we are ideal, but life isnt written out on paper"

let me see what Ive got for that headache

 

seeking : the fullness of you mouth, and the hot milk you pour for me each night and leave on the bedside table before you fuck me 

the deep birth groaning of the mare left me with an ulcer the size of a black hole, and my pale pink cheeks turned to cracked porcelain 

i hear the wolves clawing at my bedroom door, and i have the most unbearable desire to let them in and cool my burning lust with their dead meat tongues

 in the november garden, my heart stopped beating, and with my last cold breath, i imagined i was smoking strawberry cigarettes

A)i will walk among peach orchards and wear vintage lace dresses if we make it through the winter 

B) zabars is an a amazing place to buy your groceries /  www.zabars.com 

C) i have an intense sexual attraction for Patrick Bateman, the main character from the novel and movie, American Psycho

D) i will never find someone to finish my sentences for me 

E) your are my drug, get in my veins

F) i only wear stockings with holes in them

G) i dont want you to bring me flowers

H) lentil soup for dinner last night 

I) i scratched up his headboard, and left my perfume scent and lipstick all over his sheets

J) he told me i made him feel young again

K) my hands started to shake when you told me you read my diary and that you were completely infatuated with my mind

sun drunk, scabbed knees, rusted candy paint cadillacs

" To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering. "
Friedrich Nietzsche

" There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness. "
Friedrich Nietzsche

we have been wilted down to nothing but fading goodbyes in and out of cars running from the colors of the sunrise. If we are lucky, you'll exchange phone numbers and talk shit about the people you used to fuck in highschool. You'll remember the awkward taste of the sweating milk cartons in the cafeteria, the hours you spent in those bathrooms carving and etching, starving for the chance to make your mark, with even just the slightest hope that years from now, someone will go from having their head between their knees, tears swollen and threatening to spill from the waterline, and look up and see your work of pencil carved art, and smile, " FUCK YOU PORT RICHMOND HIGHSCHOOL, SUCK A DICK" with two little hearts.

those summers were endless. The cracks in the sidewalk held this promise to scab our knees at some point and we were okay with that, we had our lovers. They were always older than us, ready to take us to their bedrooms, and we just wanted to run in the waves.

those pictures that hold my image in, i am stark and naked in the pixilated consequences. my eyes are searching for yours on the screen, but your looking down, or your looking past, perhaps there is no difference ,your just a fucking shell of a man.


The best author will be the one who is ashamed to become a writer.
Friedrich Nietzsche


Artists are, above all, men who want to become inhuman.
Guillaume Apollinaire


i'll stick with you baby for a thousand years ,nothing gonna touch you in those golden years